Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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