Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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