Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
