My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
