Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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