apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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