I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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