OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
