"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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