bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
