there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize