he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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