The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
