I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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