When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
