why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
