I am midnight drunk by noon
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
