I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
