hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
