I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
