Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
