Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
