I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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