if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
