it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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