my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
3pm strippers are depressing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
