We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
