why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
