good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
