They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Randomize
