apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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