U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
