were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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