please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
soo... how was my night?
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