With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
