I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
