On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
