WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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