if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
third nipple confirmed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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