Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
