I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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