I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize