I CAN MOONWALK!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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