Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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