Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
