my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
