Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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