i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
