did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
