im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
