I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
