Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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