3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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