ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
