I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
