don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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