i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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