How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
