You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
