i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
