You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
