My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
