i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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