you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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